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Winner of the LM September 2017 challenge: Monkey Threesome with:
Monkey See Monkey Do
by Rubisco
Troy pursed his lips as he looked around. “Ooh!” he grunted to Sam, and he cocked his head at the blonde sitting at the far end of the bar. It was her. The girl. She was there every Friday night to have a drink with her brunette friend. He had hoped she would show up tonight.
“Her?” replied Sam. His eyes were wide as he laughed and shook his head vigorously. “No. No. No. No.” He pointed at Troy and held up one finger. He then pointed to the girl and held up ten fingers. “Nope,” he added with a tone of finality.
Troy pushed Sam and puffed up his chest. “Why?” His nostrils flared as he got his face in front of Sam’s.
Still smirking, Sam pointed at Troy, puffed out his cheeks, and made a fart noise as he released the air in Troy’s perturbed face. He then made eyebrows at the girl and made a big O with his lips, “ooh ooh ooooooh!” He gave two thumbs up as he gave a big smile.
“No!” said Troy. He beat his chest and flexed his massive biceps. He turned around and flexed his well defined calves. He slapped them. “Ten,” he said as he pointed both his thumbs at himself.
“Okay,” said Sam incredulously. “Okay.” He held his hands up as in defeat. He pointed at Troy, held up one finger, and shook his head back and forth.
“Hmm?” Troy pointed up and down all along his body. “Hmm?”
Sam then made his fingers into a circle and shoved it in Troy’s face. “Zero!” he declared.
Troy roared and spat at Sam. “Com’on!”
Sam’s brow furrowed. He bared his teeth as he stretched his arms out wide. “Here?”
“Here,” said Troy as he bumped his chest against Sam’s. “Now.”
A massive palm was placed on each of the men’s shoulders. “No,” said a gruff voice. The men looked up the long trunk-like arms and saw the bartender’s stern bearded face. The bartender pushed the two men apart and stood in between them.
“Behave,” he grunted. He sauntered back behind the bar and started to make a group of women banana daiquiris.
Troy stared and fumed at Sam. His scratched his head and stuck his jaw out. “No.” He pushed Sam hard. Sam stumbled, caught his balance, and pushed Troy back. Troy fell back over a chair and landed on the peanut-shell covered floor.
A group of men in the corner howled in laughter at the sight, jumping up and down. “Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!” they chanted as they pointed.
Troy tried his best to stand back up. Hunched over, he saw a pair of hanging light fixtures between him and Sam. He gave out a primal scream as he ran at Sam, leaped in the air, grabbed a light fixture with each hand as he swung his body and collided into Sam’s.
Both men’s bodies collapsed to the floor. The two light fixtures quickly followed.
There was a sudden silence over the bar.
Both Sam and Troy groaned as they tried to stand. Heavy footsteps approached them and a strong hand pulled both of them quickly to their feet. The bartender’s wild eyes burned at them.
“Out!” howled the bartender. He pushed them both towards the door.
“No,” said Troy meekly as he stood his ground. He half-heartedly puffed his chest out.
“Out!” roared the bartender as he picked up and threw the trash can at the men.
—
The blonde and her friend looked on as Troy and Sam ran out of the bar, covered in trash and banana peels.
“You know Stacy,” said Mary to the blonde. “That one guy who always stares at you is pretty cute, you should talk to him one of these days.”
Stacy rolled her eyes and sighed. “Mary, I told you, I’m looking for a mate, not a primate.”
About the author
“Rubisco was born at a young age, and when he was born, the doctors were like, “Damn, that baby should be a model!” But alas, he didn’t become a model. Instead, he went to the University of Arizona and got a nursing degree, and it all went downhill from there. Which is good, because things are easier when they’re downhill. On the side, he angrily throws letters at a page in hope that something coherent comes out. He is also fond of embellishing biosections. Whether the bio sections are mutually fond of this action, that remains to be seen. “
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